So, the other day I bought death or should I say, invested in death.
In a bid to boost my personal income, I had sold myself on all the WhatsApp groups I’m in as the best driver on the planet.
As a result, I often find myself taking a bus from Thika to Mombasa almost every other Friday after work.
This is how I have been able to drive some cars that belong in the ‘when I grow up’ category.
I recently got a gig to pick up a Ford F-150 monster from the port of Mombasa.
Given the chance, I’d have taken a detour at Machakos just to pass by my ancestral home for some major flex, but I just didn’t have the time.
The owner needed the car at his premises in Red Hill at a specified time, i’d get a cool 10k in return. A major boost in terms of income having moved out of Nairobi to increase my monthly savings.
I got to Nairobi okay but having passed through pale Kitengela area, the monster truck picked up enough dust to start a small vegetable garden.
This is how I ended up at my favorite car wash along the Northern bypass just after the famous Two Rivers Mall.
It’s a favorite coz they have a manicured garden with those holiday-evoking umbrella shades, where you can drift off into another dimension as you wait...They also serve those yummy drinks with umbrella parasol drinking straws.
Peter, my carwash guy, started taking selfies the moment I drove into the place. When he saw me in the driver’s seat he went off.
“Eish. Mkuu uliomoka ukaniacha hapa tu,”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I did not confirm nor deny his allegations, not everyone needs to know how you move.
It was while I was waiting for Peter to do his thing when I ran into the ‘death merchant’.
Here me out, I actually think it’s one of the most sane decisions I’ve made in recent memory.
From the moment I saw her striding towards me in her low-cut business suit I knew she was a salesperson.
Quick math and I knew it had to be either insurance or some lush property in the area. It couldn’t be those air freshener sellers coz all she had in her hand was a fancy business folder.
This car was really pulling people to me like moths to a lantern in the dead of the night.
“Hi, my name is Carol. Do you have some time to spare,” she asked.
“I think I have a product that was tailored for a man of your means,” she added, making sure to steal a glance at the Ford F-150 then back at me.
Again, I didn’t go out of my way to explain that the car out there that had grown men taking selfies after every 2 minutes was on its way to Red Hill.
She went on to introduce me to the most dreaded kind of cover, Life Insurance.
It’s not the most popular kind of cover as many see it as courting death but at the end of our conversation I was sold.
She had me at, ‘what happens to your loved one in the case of an unexpected accident’. I thought of my significant other and all we had been through together.
It makes sense to make a deliberate effort to ensure that if anything happens to me, she will be catered for. Not that she doesn’t make her own cake, but I’d still rest easier knowing she’d have some sort of security.
Death is final, the chance to have it leave something meaningful behind sounded like a good idea to me.
Did I tell her what I did when I finally got home, Hell no. That would lead to a very lengthy exorcism.
She noticed the spark in my eyes though, she knows me well. I had to use the monster truck as cover.
I’ve been sleeping like a baby ever since.