Why Some People Are Always Borrowing Money from Friends & Family

In every Kenyan family or friend group, there’s always that one person who is always borrowing money, even when they still have an outstanding debt.

They will borrow from you on Monday, promise to return it on Tuesday when their ‘deal’ comes through, disappear on Wednesday, and show up again on Thursday with a new problem and another request. Even if you say no, they’ll still try. 

And if you dare remind them about the previous loan, they act offended — as if you’re disturbing their peace.

On the surface, this may look like pure irresponsibility or exploitation. But psychologists say there’s a deeper behavioural pattern behind this habit — one that influences how some people perceive debt, money, and obligations.

Also Read: Lend Money to Friends and Lose Both

Psychological Ownership of Money

One major explanation comes from a study by Stanford Business School, which found that some individuals mentally treat borrowed money as their own the moment it lands in their hands.

This psychological shift leads to several behaviours, in that they feel no urgency to return the money, they spend borrowed money more freely than their own, they rationalise repayment delays, and get offended when reminded, because subconsciously, they don’t feel like they owe you.

To them, the debt isn’t a priority because their mind have reframed the money as part of their wallet.

This mental trick also explains why they keep borrowing even before repaying previous debts: the obligation doesn’t register with the same weight as it does for you.

Also read:  I Took a Loan to Become The New “Bazuu wa Mtaa”‍

Present Bias: The Psychology of “Sort Me Now, I’ll Figure Out Later”

Another explanation comes from a University of Bristol study showing that some people have a strong present bias — the urge to solve immediate problems even when it creates bigger future problems.

In short, the discomfort of a crisis right now feels bigger than the pain of repaying later.

People with high present bias tend to focus on immediate relief rather than long-term consequences and borrow impulsively when stressed. They also feel overly optimistic about future income and avoid thinking about repayment plans.

The Social Dynamics Behind Borrowing Culture in Kenya

Chronic borrowing is not always an individual behaviour. Sometimes, it is shaped by cultural and social context.

1. The “You’re family, you should understand” mindset

In some communities, financial support is seen as an obligation. Borrowers rely heavily on emotional leverage and come with like like “Si we ni mtu wetu?”. This makes boundaries difficult.

2. The illusion of social support

Borrowers assume friends or relatives will “understand,” creating a false sense of security that fuels repeated borrowing.

Also read:Why Does My Fiancée’s Money Come with Strings Attached?

If You’re the One Constantly Borrowing — How to Break the Cycle

Chronic borrowing traps you in stress, broken trust, and unstable finances. Here’s how to shift the pattern:

1. Build a small financial buffer - Start with small, consistent savings — even Ksh20 a day.
   Having a fallback cushion reduces desperation-driven borrowing.
2. Use the 10-minute pause rule - Before you borrow, stop for 10 minutes.
   Ask yourself, is this urgent, or am I panicking? This short pause reduces impulsive decisions.
3. Create a repayment plan before borrowing - If you can’t answer these questions clearly: When will I repay? From what source? Or what must I cut to make repayment possible?

How to Dealing With a Chronic Borrower

1. Set boundaries early- You do not need to justify your decision. A simple no is enough. Boundaries protect relationships that money can easily destroy.
2. Don’t enable harmful borrowing patterns: If someone repeatedly borrows with no plan, giving cash reinforces the behaviour.  Instead, offer alternatives when possible, such as food, transport, and groceries
3. Protect your mental and financial well-being- their borrowing habits are not your responsibility.
   Understanding the psychology behind their behaviour allows you to detach emotionally and avoid guilt when setting limits.

Final Thought

Chronic borrowing is more than just a financial habit — it’s a complex psychological pattern shaped by cognitive biases, social norms, and survival instincts.

But whether you’re the one borrowing or the one lending, understanding the behaviour helps you make healthier decisions and protect your financial wellbeing.